Only The Beginning
by NotYetLostFaith
Summary: "I, I nearly died. Again. And someone else pulled me off the edge, again. And again, all I could think about was you." Post Ep (kinda) One-Shot 8x02 XX


The rain pummelled her.

Her weary muscles screaming at her with every step, but she pressed forward.

She'd come so far, done so many things, worked so damn hard to get this far, she couldn't stop now.

The doorman, a man she didn't recognise, glared at her as she trailed water through his lobby, but clearly didn't care enough about who she was to stop her.

She briefly stopped at the familiar doors of the gilded elevator, her body begging for the respite, but she didn't allow herself even that small luxury. She didn't deserve it.

Kate pulled her self up the last few stairs, her heart beating hard, trying so very hard to keep her upright and in forward motion. Her legs burned, her arms ached at the effort of pulling herself up by the banisters. But she dragged her exhausted body further. Not far now. After everything it had taken to get to this point, she couldn't allow herself to stumble at this last hurdle.

The wood hurt her bruised and bleeding knuckles as she wrapped them against it. She couldn't dwell on the pain though. The constant ache deep in her chest was the only thing she could even hope to concentrate on right now.

She swayed dangerously, the fatigue threatening to crumble her now she was still. She finally let her body rest, just a little, as she leaned against the door frame.

Who was to say he was even home? Who was to say he even lived here any more? Would she have been able to sleep in the bed that they had shared, if their situations had been reversed? If he had left her?

The thought ripped a broken sob from her throat, just as the door opened.

A young man, all messy dark hair and green eyes, opened the door, confusion spread thick in his greeting "uh, hi?"

Kate opened and closed her mouth a few times, unable to believe she had gotten all this way for everything to fall apart at the last second.

"Sorry, I," she murmured, painfully pulling herself upright just as another voice rang out from the warmth of the loft.

"Who is it, babe?" Alexis stopped dead at the sight of her, not reassuring her once step mother one iota. "Kate?" The shock and disbelief hurt.

"Hi." She murmured ever so softly. "I," she glanced back to the man who had greeted her, wary, even now, of a strange face.

"Ryan." Alexis supplied, her tone a strange concoction of sharpness and relief. "We've been together five months."

Kate nodded, managing a weak smile for the boy.

"What are you doing here, Kate?" Alexis asked, soft and gentle, but leaving no room for her step mothers speciality evasion.

"I, is he here?" She choked, a desperation to her words she had long lost all hatred for.

Alexis nodded, slowly. "He's cooking. Ryan got a promotion. The three of us are celebrating."

Kate's heart gave another pang. "I, can I, would I be able to see him?" She felt like a child, asking a stern parent if her friend could come out to play.

Ryan looked from one woman to another. He'd heard about Kate, seen the picture in his girlfriend's father's office. He could barely see that woman in the broken one before him. "Lex?"

Alexis turned immediately from her scrutiny of Kate, moth to the flame, reminding the older woman of herself and the girl's father in much happier times.

They exchanged silent glances before Alexis sighed and nodded a tiny nod, before opening the door and moving so Kate could pull herself as upright as she could, and into the loft.

"Dad?" Alexis called.

"What's up Pump..." his voice dropped out at the sight before him.

Kate. Kate was here. It would have been like a dream, except that she looked three inches from death.

"We'll leave you to it." Ryan murmured, taking his girlfriend's hand and dragging her away.

"But we're celebrating. You made detective." Castle announced.

Kate looked to the couple sharply.

"It's fine Rick, honestly, we'll celebrate later. You two need time." Ryan shot them both a smile before he and Alexis jogged up the stairs.

Kate and Rick stood in silence for several seconds, he looking at her, she looking at the floor.

"Detective, huh?" Kate murmured.

"Narcotics. The boys helped him train." Castle replied, flat and stern.

Kate sniffed. "I get it." She murmured, tearful and broken. "I missed everything, Rick."

"Why the hell are you even here, Beckett?" He was angry, so terribly angry, and wasn't afraid to show it.

"I," Kate shrugged. "I wanted," she shook her head. "I don't know." She shrugged again.

"Seven months. You were gone for seven months, Beckett. And what, now you just turn up and what? Expect everything to be the same?"

Kate shook her head. "No, of course not, I just..." She stopped, breath hitching hard, hands fisting at her sides. "I'm, so very, very sorry."

"For what?" He asked, rounding the counter to stand just feet from her.

Kate looked up at him. She couldn't even see a tiny spark of the love they shared and it crushed her even further.

"For giving up on our marriage?" He continued. "For leaving me? For missing Alexis meeting the man of her dreams? For breaking my heart? For missing the birth of your nephew? For making us all think you were _dead_?"

"Okay, okay I'm _sorry_." Kate cried. "I fucked up, okay? I _know_ that. I knew the moment I walked outta that door, and I know even more now but Rick...I'm _sorry!_ "

"Sorry isn't good enough." Castle murmured, turning his back on her to walk away.

"He was going to kill you." Kate murmured, her heartbreak nearly drowning out her voice.

Castle's feet paused.

"I couldn't just stand by and let you be in danger. I had to fix it. I can't live without you."

"So you left me?" Castle asked quietly, not moving.

Kate shook her head. "I had to keep you safe." She whispered.

"And?" He asked quietly. "Was it worth it?"

Kate shrugged. "I got him." She huffed sadly. "Took out his operation, blew his cover apart and put him in cuffs. You're safe." Kate shook her head. "If nothing else, that makes it worth it."

She bit her already shredded lip, sighing tearfully. "I'd rather know you were alive somewhere to hate me, than know that loving me got you killed."

Castle turned slowly to look at her. She stood there and took it as he silently assessed her.

She was favouring her left leg, her jeans torn and bloodied just above her right knee. Her arms were pointedly at her sides, the left wrapped in bandages, both hands' knuckles torn to pieces. Her breathing was a little shallow and there was a darkening bruise along her clavicle.

But it was her face that troubled him the most.

Apart from a small graze along her jaw bone, she was unscathed, but her eyes were filling and overflowing again and again, cheeks red and raw from the constant salt flood. Her chin trembled, her lower lip crimson and raw. And there was nothing but desperate sadness in her gaze.

Nothing of the fierce woman he knew.

"What happened?" He asked quietly, taking a step towards her, his dormant need to protect her rearing its head when he noticed how much she was swaying.

"I, I nearly died. Again. And someone else pulled me off the edge, again. And again, all I could think about was you." She shook her head. "I thought I was doing the right thing Rick, I promise."

She chuckled sadly. "I got Vikram killed. I got three cops put in the hospital. I ruined people's lives, once again, for this same damn cause and I'm sick of it." She shook her head, looking at him and ageing twenty years right before his eyes. "I'm so tired, Rick. I just, I wanted to come home."

"You left me, went AWOL for seven months. I thought you were dead." He choked.

"I know." Kate sobbed. "I know, and you have no idea how sorry I am."

"You, you're wearing your wedding band." Rick noticed suddenly.

"I never took it off." Kate murmured, smoothing her thumb over it affectionately. "It got me through." She shrugged. "So are you."

Castle sighed and closed the gap between them. "I'm furious." He murmured.

"I know." Kate whispered, squeaking in surprise when she was suddenly swept into his arms.

He clung to her for dear life, like he was afraid that she would disappear, like she had so many times at this point in his dreams.

Kate sobbed and threw her arms around him, clasping his shirt in her fingers as hard as her hands would allow.

"I missed you so much." Rick whispered in her ear, his own tears finally falling.

"I missed you too." Kate promised.

"Are you okay?" He murmured softly, stroking his hand up and down her back, cherishing the feel of her against him for the first time in so long.

"Sprained wrist and ankle, black and blue with bruises." She shrugged. "better now." She sobbed, clinging harder.

"Oh, Kate." Castle breathed, holding her with all his strength. He pulled back suddenly, making Kate whimper at the loss. "If you're just gonna leave again..."

"No. Never. No. Rick..." she sobbed, shaking her head even as her trembling hand reached out to cup his jaw, the warmth of his skin like salvation in her blood. "I can't do this without you, babe. It hurts too damn much. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry."

Rick cupped the back of her neck and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm still angry. I'm furious with you, Kate."

She nodded. "I know. You have every right to be." She confirmed.

"But," he murmured, knowing the relief he had just ignited in the woman in his arms. "You're my wife. And I love you."

Kate sobbed with relief, throwing her arms back around his neck. "We'll be okay, right?" She begged, vulnerable and small.

"This is only the beginning." He reminded her, waiting for her nod before continuing. "But, you love me, right?"

"More than anything in this universe or the next. Always." She promised.

"Then yeah, Kate, we're gonna be fine."


End file.
